Gir gets dogsat
by Shadowdib
Summary: Zim is out of town and Computer is getting repaired, so what happens when Gir gets dog sat by a normal human-who can be as crazy as him? Chaos! I know the title is bad. This is a story for one of my bff's, Sara! She loves Gir, so I put her in the story.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Curse you Word, for not wanting me to use 'munky, hyuman, and Krazy!' I never realized how hard it is to make the characters sound like themselves… I had that problem with Sara. This story is for one of my best friends who's named Sara. (Duh) It was really hard to keep her quirky personality, but I hope I did okay… I hope all you people out there in reader land enjoy anyway! Warning-non IZ character in this story. I don't really own Sara, but I really don't Krazy taco, Gir, Zim, a Voot cruiser, (but that would be awesome if I did) or anything IZ related. It all goes Jhonen Vazquez.

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><p>"GIR!" It was another normal day in the base, and Gir had just blown up a batter of pancakes-for the fourth time in two hours. He had dropped the plastic blue bowl, and it had shattered into a million pieces (Yes, he can even break plastic) and was currently dancing in the dough. The lid of the toilet banged open, the sound shooting across the kitchen and Gir could feel the vibrations echo through his hollow body. His master jumped out of the porcelain, infuriated.<p>

"CAN'T YOU KEEP QUIET FOR _ONCE?_" He sighed, then pulled up something that looked remotely like a purple PDA. "I just intercepted a transmission from the Tallest. They didn't send it to me… they must have been testing my ability to steal messages from the hyumans! There's a rally for invaders… however, I can't risk you ruining it, and Computer is getting repaired. So, I hired a dog sitter. Thank Irk for the filthy hyuman newspaper! Just leave your disguise on, and don't talk to her." Gir had been standing grinning like a moron the whole time, but nodded slowly.

"SAVE THE MOOSE!" He bounded forward, about to dive into the open toilet lid, but Zim lunged forward, grabbing him by the torso.

"NO! JUST BEHAVE LIKE A EARTH DOG!" Zim smacked his face with his palm, then tossed Gir his green disguise. "Put it on. She'll be here soo-"

DIIIIING-DOOOONG!

xxxxx

Sara wandered along, her hands jammed in the pockets of her plaid jacket, the gray and white squares flapping in the wind.

"Geez, from the way this Zim dude made it sound, the dog is gonna lick my face off. I can handle him…" She looked up, more confident now that she'd given herself her usual (while somewhat short) pep talk. The girl had been dog sitting for two years, and had never met a dog she hadn't been able to tame. She still had a picture of 'Deathtrap,' a Doberman that had almost ripped her face off, in her locket next to the picture of her golden lab Sophie to remind her that she could take care of anyone-boy or dog. Her 'I heart Bacon' necklace whipped around as she turned the corner-and stared. The smallest house was glowing bright green and was lined with neon purple! She checked the little scrap of paper she'd written the address down on, but it only confirmed her suspicions.

"Do it for the meat, do it for the meat…" The girl muttered to herself. She'd taken this job because the owner had promised her twice her usual wage without even asking. She wanted the job because it meant she could make a big, fresh, homemade rib dinner-her favorite. She plucked up her courage, then ran forward, barely even noticing the giant lawn gnomes with creepy eyes that followed her. The 'I love earth' sign did slow her for a second, but she grinned after a moment. _Good, they had a sense of humor. _She stopped at the door, turning on her red with white and black striped sneaks to lean on the doorbell, letting it ring throughout the strange house.

xxxxx

As the last strains of the bell echoed, Zim hissed to Gir, "Put it on _now._" He pulled on his wig and contacts as well, glancing back one last time to make sure Gir was good and disguised before opening the door. Standing before him was a sturdy girl of about thirteen or fourteen, wearing a red shirt that proclaimed she was 'Chilling with my Peeps,' with a bunch of golden chickens wearing sunglasses gathered at the top. Her skin was slightly darker then a snowy color like Dib's, but not quite a tan. The irken grinned when he spotted her brown necklace-she and Gir would get along well. He took note her ragged and uncombed hair flying in the wind and forced down disgust as he welcomed the hyuman into the base.

_Do it for your MIGHTY REPUTATION! I AM ZIM! _He cleared his throat, catching the girl's attention from glancing around the strange decor. When she refocused on him, she wondered absently why he was wearing what looked like a pink dress.

"Well, I must go soon. Stay on the ground level, and don't eat anything Gir gives you. Your name was…?" She told him. "Sara? Odd name… GIR! GET IN HERE!" The robot slunk into the living room, salsa all over his lips. Sara gasped, backing up.

"See you in two days!" Zim ran out of the door before doubling around the back to hitch a ride in the Voot cruiser. As he activated the cloaking device, back in the living room, Sara stood wide eyed, staring at the green dog. He grinned widely, closing his eyes happily and leapt into her arms- jumping almost 7 feet!

"What are you?" She pulled at her necklace, a nervous habit of hers, and felt her fingers brush against the golden locket.

_You can handle it. Even if he's radioactive, you can handle him. _She took a deep breath, then pried the… thing, off of her.

"I'll ask again. What ar-" He placed a paw on her mouth, and she noticed it felt like fabric. She pushed it away, feeling slightly relieved. "Oh, you must be his little brother in a Halloween costume. I guess I can-"

"TIME FOR DA SCARY MUNKY!" Suddenly, he looked almost sheepish.

"Don't tell Masta I was speakin', or he'll-" Her eyes widened.

"So, you're smart enough to talk? Well, no duh." She shook her head, then pulled out a ham sandwich from her pocket, unwrapping the saran wrap. It would have been her lunch, but she could get something else later. His eyes widened, and she swore they flashed blue for a second as he lifted his stubby arms toward the food. Without even looking around, she knew his little pink tongue would be sticking out.

"Toast!" She set him down gently, pivoting on her sneaks until her back was to him. She held the ham above her head, silently promising him a treat if he obeyed her.

"Not toast. How can you talk?"

"I CAN DO LOTSA STUFF! I CAN-" The TV suddenly blared on as Sara stepped on the remote, opening to a commercial of the Krazy Taco guy.

"BUY MY TACOS! I'M CRAAAAZZY!" She whipped her head around, almost drooling. Krazy taco was super greasy, but their food was fried heaven on earth. The dog jumped back on top of her, grabbing the sandwich and downing it in one bite before flying up next to the stunned sitter and shrieking right in her face, blowing back her mud colored locks.

"TAAAAAAACCCCOOOOOSSS!" Sara felt in her jeans for her wallet, then smiled at how full it was.

"Tell me your name and we can go get tacos, okay? I want to go as much as-"

"GIR!" She shrugged, a grin spreading across her face like grease on a griddle.

"Let's go!" To her surprise, he raced into the kitchen and came back with a lavender leash. He hooked one end to his collar, then handed the other to Sara. The more insane aspect of her personality was starting to take over as she whooped and raced out the door. All of a sudden, Gir shot into the air, taking her with him as he turned toward the sun before taking off at top speed.

"YAAAAAAAH! THIS… IS… AWSOOOOOOOOMMMME!" Sara screamed as he looped around, avoiding random pedestrians. Sara stuck her tongue out at a boy who had always hated her. She started laughing when he started whipping his head around like the devil himself was over his shoulder when her hand whapped him at 112 miles an hour.

"Goodbye, Heeeeennrry!" Way to soon, the insane ride was over as the neon orange lights of the Krazy Taco entered her vision.

"All right… let's go!"

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><p>AN I know I should be working on the 'Dib's Birthday' story, but I had to write this. I'll update as soon as I can, but no promises. Rate and review please!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N This is just to clarify something-as 'Sara' doesn't officially know that Gir is a robot, he will be referred to as a dog, not a Sir unit or robot. The 'real' Sara liked the story, and gave me a great idea for the end to this chapter. Dib appears! I'm writing this and the Dib B-day story, so now I'm switching between normal lovable Gir here and kick-butt Duty Mode Gir there. (Think Gir goes Crazy and Stuff) And, I'm writing this while flipping through both Zade and Zadr pictures. (Zade is Zim and Dib enemies, for those who don't know. If you don't know what Zadr is… well… be glad. Look it up on Deviantart _at your own risk_!) Anyways, here's the next chapter, and please review… Forgive my long Authors Note!

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><p>Sara was coated in dust and her hair was extremely windblown-more than usually, anyways. Luckily, she had a neon green ponytail holder in her right pocket, and she ran her hands through her chocolate-colored mop, still grinning like a lunatic.<p>

"Hey, now we match! C'mon… let's go get tacos." Gir squeaked happily, then pulled Sara forcefully through the door, which had KRAZY TACO printed in what looked like dried grease, the letters about 2 ½ feet tall. He was in such a hurry, the collar snapped in half, leaving Sara holding a long piece of now frayed purple imitation leather.

"Hey, wait up Gir!" She raced forward, shoving irritated consumers from side to side until she finally caught sight of the green fabric, right as he passed under a little boy's hand-which was flying around a tiny blue airplane. She grabbed his paw, yanking the 'dog' into the air.

"We have to wait in line. Here." She handed the robot a piece of bacon from the plastic baggie full of them in her side wallet flap before pulling him up to cradle him like a baby, leaning his head against her shoulder. He immediately started gnawing on the meat contently as she walked to the end of the line. She ended up behind a tall and skinny man with two spikes of hair that looked like antennae and a long striped shirt, the tails hanging out and a sign that had a frowning face and two X's for eyes pinned to his back. She was in front of a boy who walked in the door behind her with raven black hair that flowed into a scythe above his head, the color a total contrast to his snowy complexion-but it matched well with his midnight black closed trench coat. The boy's head was down, face to the floor, so she didn't know if she knew him or not-well, she probably didn't. That hair would have been easy to remember. Sara heard him muttering to himself, so, curious, she listened in.

"She could have gotten it herself, but noooo, the level would end the world if she didn't finish it. I'm supposed to give Agent Darkbooty my report on Zim in an hour… why couldn't Gaz have gotten a craving for tacos tomorrow?" The flame of curiosity leaping up when she heard her employer's name, she tapped the boy gently on the shoulder.

"Hey, what was that about Zim?" She took a step forward as the line moved, but the boy's head shot up, causing his hair to fly up for a second.

"You… you want to hear about Zim?" He said in a disbelieving tone. She swore the boy's eyes glittered happily for a moment as he pulled out a silver notebook from the outer pocket of his backpack.

"Well… yea. He's my employer. See, I'm taking care of his dog." She held Gir out, who looked up from his bacon long enough to recognize Dib. A huge grin spreading across his face as he suddenly jumped out of Sara's arms and into Dib's.

"Mary! Wacha doin' here?" Dib grinned, rustling in between the fabric ears.

"My name's not Mary." Sara was shocked at the calm reaction-this boy knew the dog could talk?

"Wait… if Gir already knew you, why couldn't Zim have just called you? He seemed pretty panicked when he called me…" The boy chuckled, shifting Gir over so his face was still to Sara and his felt tail was in the crook of the trench coat elbow. He tucked the notebook back into the trench coat, then held out his hand to shake.

"My name's Dib. Yours?"

"Sara…"

"Well, Sara, how do you not know m-oh, you must go to skool across town." She shrugged, slowly nodding.

"That explains it… you see, me and Zim aren't exactly best friends. Never were, never will be. I usually meet Gir under… erm… _unusual_ circumstances. Line's moving." Sara took another step forward as Dib lifted Gir, pulling him closer.

"Can I just see him for a sec?" Sara shrugged-the boy seemed harmless enough. Most boys were venom, but at least this Dib treated her all right. In fact, she had a bit of an ugly track record with boys who tried to tease her… they had the scars from her nails and she still had the restraining orders to prove it. Dib examined Gir up and down, eventually handing him back to Sara.

"Hey, can I sit with you guys?" She shrugged again, then turned around-it was her turn. She ducked under the counter for a moment, asking Gir what he wanted. Straightening up, the tall female employee smiled at her, asking her for her order. She didn't make a comment about the broken collar Gir was wearing- perhaps she was used to it, due to exasperated parents and bratty children.

"Two taco buffets, please." The smile faded slightly as Sara handed over two fives and two ones.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Sara's mouth slid out across her rosy cheeks with a grin that would look right at home on an insane homicidal maniac.

"You'd be surprised how much my little brother can eat." She gestured dramatically at Gir, who closed his eyes and grinned. The cashier shrugged.

"Not my problem. Cute costume. Odd coloring, though…" She handed the girl two bright orange coupons, stamping them with a yellow stamp bearing the date. Her blond hair rustled as she lifted her arm, pointing to the buffet. "Enjoy!" Sara's smirk didn't dim.

"I will. C'mon, Gir." She tugged him along, playing up the 'little brother' thing. He came along relatively quietly-the dog was cooing gently. She sat down at the closest available table to the buffet-a wise move, considering she knew they would be making quite a few trips. Dib walked over right behind them, holding his own bag. He sat down next to them, opening the bag, smiling at feeling the steam rise up towards his face.

"I thought you had to call somebody?" Sara asked, raising an eyebrow." Dib shrugged it off.

"Nope. Being here with you and Gir will be more interesting-and informative. I can deal with Gaz when the time comes-I'll just give her one of those new Vampire Piggy Hunter games-the third was just released. Frankly, they probably would have kicked me out of the S.E.N. anyway, what with all the false calls during… " He shuddered, leaving the sentence open.

"With…?" Sara tried to prompt the boy, crossing her arms. "Just so you know, I don't like not knowing things!" Dib looked up at her, then cracked up laughing. However, he was instantly shut up when Sara had yanked up his sleeve and placed a hand-with very sharp nails-on top of his pale flesh.

"I wasn't kidding." Dib yanked his arm out of her grip.

"Two things. One, you remind me way to much of my little sister. Two, I wasn't laughing at you. Around me, if you ask me about something, you'll probably never get me to shut up." He shrugged. "Character flaw. Aren't you going to get those tacos?" Sara's mind instantly switched tracks, now filling with visions of greasy tacos and enough fried, slimy meat to kill off every anorexic since the Neanderthals.

"Hey, Gir!" He cocked his head up, ears flopping down and tongue hanging out-a hundred kittens would have died of the absolute innocent cuteness.

"Yes, Sa?" She sighed.

"Sara. Not Sa, Sara. Anyways, what do you say to a contest?" She caught sight of Dib, frantically swiping his hand across his throat and mouthing _No!_ Ignoring him, Sara turned back to Gir. "Whoever eats the most tacos…. um… wins!" She couldn't think of a reasonable prize, so the girl hissed out of the side of her mouth to Dib, "What does he like?" Dib rooted around in his cream colored backpack for a second, (Sara swore she could hear something that sounded like the slosh and squeak of a water balloon) eventually pulling out a rubber pig.

"I was going to use it as a bribe later, so be caref-" Sara snatched the swine out of the boy's pale hand, holding it high above Gir's head. The dog leapt for it, evidently forgetting he could fly.

"Gimme!" Sara smiled again, enjoying every second of it.

"Not unless you agree to a contest." Gir nodded vigorously, not 100% sure what a contest was-anything to get the piggy!

"Good. All right, the one with who eats the most tacos wins the pig, got it?" He nodded again, the little pink tongue slipping into his sewn mouth. His eyes flashed blood red for a split instant behind the fake eyeballs, before he flung himself toward the buffet, whooping and hollering. Sara smirked at Dib.

"I'll give it back to you later." Dib chuckled softly to himself.

"You think you can out-eat Gir? It's your funeral…"

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><p>AN Annnd, the taco eating contest is next chapter! I already know who wins… I only got one review last time, can I at least get two? Even if you don't have an account, you can review! (That includes you, Sara!) And all of you who caught the JTHM reference… virtual cookie for you.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N I come back to this story whenever I feel like a laugh, as my other two stories are at extremely serious parts right now. But… behold! Chapter 3!

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><p>The line for the buffet wasn't very long, but Gir made it much shorter as he shoved his way through the crowd. Sara followed him, muttering half hearted apologies to anyone who glared at her.<p>

"Gir! Get back here!" The dog didn't even hear her-or perhaps he just didn't care. "Gir! Back here now or… ah, who cares." She thrust her way closer to the buffet, the sweet smell of grease filling her nose. Unconsciously, her tongue flopped out of her mouth, causing a few people to turn to stare-that is, those who weren't already glowering at the girl as she pushed her way through the line. Finally, she spotted the dog-he was on his tiptoes, piling his orange plate full of as many tacos as it could carry.

"Well, I guess if I'm already here…" Sara shrugged, elbowed the mousy haired boy behind her once for good measure, and stepped in line behind Gir, snatching a plate off of the top of the pile. It took only a minute and a half to pile the plate with enough greasy goodness to feed a third world country for a week. After grabbing a medium cherry Poop from the soda dispenser, she practically skipped back to her seat, grinning. _Gir doesn't stand a chance._ The dog was already sitting at his seat, looking happily at Dib while the boy was ranting on about something. Gir was just smiling and nodding every few seconds, obviously not listening.

"I'm baaack!" Sara proclaimed loudly, causing Dib to turn his head. He nodded, placing his index finger on the bottom of his cheek next to his pale jaw.

"Okay, so I'll ref. We need to give you both an even number of tacos, which means-"Sara and Gir yawned moments away from each other then said in complete unison,

"Boooring!" Dib flipped his head between the two in front of him a few times, snapping his mouth shut. There was a moment of silence, before Sara and Dib both loudly cracked up. Gir looked confused for a second, then joined them.

"You two… are perfect for each other!" Dib choked out, attempting to regain his composure. What little he'd had in the first place, anyway. Sara grinned.

"Sure seems that way…hey, maybe I can ask Zim if I can dog sit again!" Dib sighed.

"He's an alien, you know." Sara shrugged, chuckling. _He has a good imagination. Then again, I only saw him for a few seconds…_

"Riiiight."She pushed her plate next to Gir's, and tugged a few tacos off the top of her pile, placing them on the dog's plate. "There. That's even." Sara remarked, rubbing her hands together to get rid of some of the grease. "Anybody got a timer?" Dib held up his left wrist, shaking his arm to let the trench coat shimmy down a few inches to reveal a bulky, expensive looking watch.

"I do. It has a second hand." He noticed Sara looking at it curiously, so the boy gave more explanation. "It's a communicator as well. My sister has one too. All right, 3… 2…" Gir and Sara both leaned towards their plates, holding out one hand. "...1! Go!" He pushed his watch hand down, slicing the air between the two competitors like a butcher knife through a slab of meat. Gir dove into his plate, with Sara not a moment behind. Grease was splattering on the floor like acid rain and Dib was trying to protect his face with his sleeve from the messy eaters. A little boy pulled his mother over to see, which caught the attention of a bearded hobo…

Eventually, (well, about 5 minutes later) most of the restaurant was watching, cheering on their favorite. Chants of 'Go girl!' and 'Go doggy!' filled the Krazy Taco, fueling the two. Someone went to get them both new plates, piled just as high as the first ones. Neither was showing signs of slowing down as the new plates were tossed onto the table, knocking off the old greasy orange dishes. Sara narrowed her eyes and Gir copied her, but his grin could have lit up a Christmas tree. About halfway through the third plate, Gir started slowing down. Two tacos later, Sara's face was starting to turn red, and she grabbed one last taco, then slowly pushed her plate away. Gir's mouth slowly closed as he moved his hand to rub his stomach. _Master never gave me this many tacos… and Sa looks like her tummy hurts..._

Sara groaned, then held out her hand. "Tie?" Gir floated up into the air, grabbing her hand. Some of the people in the front gasped at the amazing dog.

" 'Kay. Can I still get the piggy?" Sara tossed it to him, and Gir instantly started snuggling the rubber swine.

"Well, you're better than I thought." Gir squeaked happily, not even noticing the various people crowding closer. Dib was laughing crazily, pointing at the duo and yelling 'See! I'm not crazy!' over and over. However, Sara noticed the people inching closer, so she snatched Gir off of the ground and held up her other palm, flexing her fingers. The pointed, painted green nails glinted in the flickering neon light as she shoved her way through the mass, trying to reach the neon red 'Exit' sign. After a minute, they fell though the door, but unfortunately Sara tripped over Gir.

"Waaaagh!" Her face was only an inch from the sidewalk, but Gir's outspread arms blocked it from any injury. As she stumbled to her feet, Sara glanced back at the restaurant in disgust. There was noise of confusion from within, uncertainty where the miraculous dog had gone. _People sometimes…_

"C'mon. Do you want to go for a walk, or go home?" Gir shrugged.

"I wanna see Minimoose. He pwomised to pway wit' meeee!"

"And Minimoose is…? Something at your house?" Gir nodded, jumping back into the air. Sara grabbed his felt ears… then felt her feet leave the ground. Forcefully.

"YAAAAAAHOOOOOO!"

xxxxx

One insane ride later, Sara was leaning against the purple fence, trying to catch her breath.

"Man…" She wheezed, "If I could duplicate that, I would make enough to pay for fresh ribs for a lifetime!" Clutching her chest, she forced herself upright. The G-force was still feeling like a million pounds from the moment before when it had been pressed against her cheeks. Gir was dancing around happily on the lawn, poking the gnomes.

"Interesting lawn decorations… I didn't think they even sold gnomes that big. They'd look good in my backyard…" Sara leaned closer to the nearest dwarf, her fingers interlocking behind her back.

_Tsssssewwww!_

"Yaaahh!" The gnome had- just fired… a laser from its eyes?

"Okaaaay… that's both cool and weird… C'mon." She strode up to the house, noticing the men's room sign for the first time. She glanced back at the 'I heart earth!' sign while turning the door knob and pushing gently.

"Man, this Zim has a really weird sense of humor." Sara muttered, mostly to herself. Gir strutted up behind her, imitating his master's usual Nazi-march. His arms were even stuck tight to his sides near his back, the palms facing skyward, the tip of his paw slightly curled. As Sara opened the door a crack, the green dog leapt up and attached himself to the back of her head. He started pulling her hair and screaming.

"Ride 'em Cowgirl!" Sara whirled around, hoping to knock the dog off, but he only dug his hands in tighter, laughing.

"Get _off_ me! I always wished that dogs could talk to me, but not like this!" After a few moments (and quite a few clumps of hair) later, Sara just sighed deeply and reached behind her, gripping the dog's surprisingly loose 'fur' before kicking the door the rest of the way open. She hated having to resort to this, but desperate times calls for desperate measures, after all. Sara pushed her palms into his sides before pulling him off of her head as hard as she could. The dog came off reluctantly-but not before a faint 'riiip' was heard, the muted sound echoing through the nearly empty house.

"Oh my gosh! Did I hurt y…" The last word died on her lips as Gir dropped to the floor, his zipper open-revealing the metallic sheen under the green fabric.

"YAAAAAAH!" Gir floated up to Sara, grinning.

"YAAAAAAH!" Gir repeated the girl, screaming back. As his entire disguise slid off, exposing his true robotic form, thoughts swirled around in Sara's head like a tornado. After a moment, she didn't even bother trying to collect herself until she managed to choke out three words.

"That… is… AWSOME!" Gir grinned crazily (It seemed more obvious then when he smiled in the dog suit with that huge mouth) and suddenly leaned forward, planting a big kiss right on her lips. Shocked, Sara yanked herself back. However, a wide grin was spread across her face as well-he was kind of cute as both a robot and a dog. Almost like her own pup Sophie, who gave her lip-kisses all the time. But bleah, that metal…

"What was that for?" Gir leaned back, still grinning.

"You weren't pwaying happy like Cutie Moose and Fwuffles!" Okay, translation time-She'd seen mascots like that in store windows. They were little kid shows. Maybe this would just be like babysitting a little kid, right? Yea. A little kid who can fly.

"All right… what now?" Gir froze up, staring at the toilet before taking one slow, calculated step.

"Gir? What are-NO!" He'd shot into the kitchen, diving into the toilet! Racing after him, Sara abandoned all laws of hygiene and shoved her head down the seat. Surprisingly, she didn't get her head stuck or-even worse-start drowning. But who would have a toilet for show in their kitchen of all places? The best room in the house!

"Oh, you saw the elevator, did you?" The annoyingly familiar voice came from behind her, instantly grating on her nerves as she pulled her head out of the porcelain.

"Elevator? You're crazy." The boy chuckled, pulling his trench coat in tighter.

"Well, then how could he have disappeared?" Sara sighed.

"Okay, maybe you have a point... but your big head must have-" All of a sudden, he lunged forward, getting WAY too close.

"My. Head's. Not. BIG!" He screamed. Sara gripped his shirt, twisting up the collar tightly and thus choking him before she pulled out her nails and raking them down the side of his snowy pale face. The girl stepped back, nodding as the boy gingerly touched his now bleeding face.

"What was your name? Dab? Doob? Maybe I should just call you stupid."

"It's Dib, you little psycho." Sara's eyes narrowed.

"What did you call me?" Sighing, Dib held out a hand.

"That was a bad impression. Here, I'll prove to you I'm not crazy and find Gir at the same time." Sara contemplated for a moment before nodding and holding out her own hand.

"Fine, but first…" She slapped his hand away quickly before pulling her palm back.

"Now, what say we find Gir?"

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><p>AN Sara is like she was to Dib to most boys in real life, minus the blood. She actually never calls one of our friends anything but Stupid. Plus, I wanted to have a little fun messing with Dib, like I'm not hurting him enough in the Dib's Birthday. (Oh, and I support the 'Dib is Nny' theory, so he's a bit crazier then usual) I have the next chapter vaugely plotted out, but I'm going to update my other 2 stories first. Geez, this chapter was written over such a long period of time. Technically, though, I wrote the whole thing in three parts. The beginning, in the yard, and in the house. Anyways, not much to say…I've got two other stories to work on, and about a million undeveloped ideas in my own oversized head. (Seriously. Me and a friend got in an argument about whose head is bigger, and she doesn't even know why I was laughing so hard by the end because she's never seen a single episode of the show) Anyways, I must leave now. I have so much to do. SO MUCH! *Scurries off*

P.S. I just noticed how long and rambling this is. Wow, I'm turning into Dib... cool.

-Shadowdib


	4. Chapter 4

A/N This story is tricky to write because Sara always acted like Gir in real life (Before she even saw the show) and it's hard to nail her down without making her either A)Gir or B)Gaz, beating up Dib all the time and being a general b*tch. Plus, I forgot one important fact-Zim has the Voot. Btw-there will be zero relationships, except for Sagif (Sara and Gir friendship) and possible slight Dagif (Dib and Gir friendship) Anyways, on with the story!

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><p>Sara stood at a standoff with Dib for a moment before he stepped past her and placed his left foot into the bowl, followed instantly by his right.<p>

"Are you NUTS?" Sara growled, but Dib just pointed to the lavender trash can next to the stove still piled high with chips and salsa.

"The trashcan is bigger than the toilet if you're worried. Just get in." Sara stared at him, appalled.

"No way!" Dib heaved an exaggerated sigh before climbing back out. He held up his arms high.

"See? Dry. Look, I'll show you." He reached into his pack, pulling out a navy blue flashlight and clicking it on. He shined it down the hole, and Sara felt her heart skip a mere moment when it barely penetrated the darkness. It smelled, not of water and mold, but of metal and technology.

"Believe me now?" Sara shrugged, but headed over to the trash receptacle anyway.

_Okay, let's see... the dog is a robot, the kid seems insane, and now this? Definitely worth the thirty_ _bucks Zim paid..._

Overcoming natural disgust, Sara grudgingly stepped into the surprisingly roomy can. She felt a jolt in her stomach as the can started down and the lid slipped back into place, missing her head by mere centimeters. She felt a sudden rush-even Deathtrap was manageable, but this… this was otherworldly!

"If I don't go crazy from this, it'll definitely be worth a good story to Myra later…" Sara said out loud, trying to ignore the fact she was currently in a pitch black trash can, about to go searching for a robot/dog underground. Yea, Myra would probably tell her to either go shove it or write about it in a journal. Sometimes it was hard having such a cynical friend. As Sara was pondering this, suddenly the 'elevator' opened up to a huge room, blinding her for a second with its soft lavender glow. As she slowly revolved her head, mouth hanging open, Dib was sitting in a pink hover chair.

"Still think I'm crazy?" He chuckled, grinning. Sara paused for a moment, realizing her heart was beating to the rhythm of the softly throbbing overhead light. She took a slow step forward, gaining confidence with each passing moment.

"Well, maybe not." Dib hopped off the chair, sweeping his had from his skinny chest to the room behind him.

"Shall we go find your charge?" Sara wrinkled her face up, confused.

"What? I is confused…" Whenever she was confused or angry, all grammar went straight out the window.

"Gir. We needed to go find Gir, right? He's actually blown this place up once." Dib clarified, whipping out a camera from his bag. "But a few pictures for Mysterious Mysteries will be good too…" The boy cackled evilly to himself, turning tail with a slight rustle of his trench coat. Sara shrugged. He seemed to know his way around fairly well, so probably she'd find Gir faster if she stuck with the crazy kid. Sara strode up behind Dib gently tapping him on the shoulder, causing him to just about hit the ceiling.

"WHA-oh. Umm… just follow me, okay?" Dib muttered, blushing. Sara suddenly realized that no one else had ever gotten this far with him, and she reminded herself to cut the guy a little slack.

"Okay." Sara sighed, huffing out more air than strictly necessary. Sara called for the robot by name as Dib snapped a few pictures while they wandered through the lower-what was it? A basement? A secret base, like from those old spy movies?

"How big is this place anyway?" Sara wondered out loud, and Dib looked back at her.

"I've tried to calculate it, and from what I can estimate, at least 2 and a half miles not counting some of the lower extensive storage rooms."

"Woah… it could take forever to find him!" Suddenly, Dib's face lit up and he started rummaging through his bag. Sara giggled lightly at his little pink tongue as he bit down on it lightly while searched. After a minute, he triumphantly pulled out a slightly steaming waffle. He held it up high, looking vaguely statue-of-liberty like as he raised it above his large head.

"…So you have a waffle. Big whoop." Dib sighed, his face straight.

"In three… two… o-"He was instantly hit with a silver hunk of metal moving at roughly 113 miles an hour.

"MARY BWOUGHT WAFFFFFFLES!" Gir shrieked. Dib's expression melted as the robot cuddled him. He rubbed the robot's antenna/receiver.

"Good to see you too…" Sara cleared her throat, holding out her arms. Gir looked at her before dropping to the floor.

"Want to see the happy land? Minimoose wants to come!" Dib grinned.

"Sure!" He held his camera high, covering his pale face behind the shutter. Sara grinned-imagine, seeing an underground secret base! It's just like the movies.

"Squeak." A soft noise came from in front of them, and Gir danced forward, grabbing into apparently thin air.

"What are you-oh." He was holding what appeared to be a small purple toy moose, and cradling it gently before tossing it into back the air-where it somehow stayed. Sara jumped when it turned to her, the small red pupils zooming in on her.

"Um, hi?" The thing squeaked again, floated up to her, and gently bumped her cheek.

"Aww, Minimoose wants to be happy wid yooo!" Gir exclaimed happily. The moose bumped her again, squeaking happily.

"Oh, this is Minimoose?"

"Yepsies!" Gir proclaimed proudly before Dib cut in, holding up his arms.

"Can I see him?" Minimoose floated over in response. He settled down in Dib's raven hair, to the left of the scythe lock. Dib bit his lip, probably to keep from laughing at the sensation of the little nubby feet rustling down close to his scalp.

Sara busted out laughing at the sight, holding her side. Her red shirt wrinkled up while Dib followed her lead, softly chuckling. After a moment, he tried to put on his serious face again.

"Gir-the tour?" Gir nodded, bobbing his head to an unheard beat, as he turned around and started skipping away. Minimoose floated after the dog, suprisingly fast for such a small thing. Sara run after them both, followed by Dib, who was still holding his camera and was therefore slower because of his 'urgent' pictures.

"Just put it on video or something, okay?" Dib flicked a button, and a small red light blipped on the front of the device while Gir was explaining their current position.

"-And this is where Masta' made Minimoose for me to pway wit!" They glanced in a room filled with lots of thick wires, and a huge video screen next to a gray chute that looked big enough to hold an elephant. Dib pushed ahead of them, grinning like a kid in a candy store after hours. All of a sudden, he dropped his camera with a loud clatter.

"No. No way," He croaked, pointing at something Sara couldn't see behind the next corner. Sara ran ahead, skidding to a stop at the sight around the bend. Settled before her was a huge piece of alien technology, slender and powerful-looking. The ship was various shades of purple and red, and looked vaguely insect-like with the claw-like extensions off the main cockpit. Unnoticed, Gir waltzed in happily as Minimoose floated out of sight.

"And this is the shippy holdy place!" Both humans ignored him, Dib silently seething and Sara a statue, staring at the ship with her mouth open.

"_He stole it?_" Dib muttered. "Of course, as soon as I fix the thing he takes it. What was wrong with his cruiser? Oh, he probably just took it to tick me off…" Sara snapped out of her stupor, and turned to face the boy.

"Wait wait wait… back up a second. This thing is YOURS?" Dib nodded, walking up to the ship to pat it lovingly.

"Yep. Well, technically it's Tak's, but it crashed in my backyard a few months ago and I fixed it up." He flipped up the windshield and hopped into the cockpit with one leap. Gir lit up his rockets and instantly followed, settling into the passenger's seat. Sara shook off her amazement and crawled up next to Gir. Dib was fiddling with the controls, and Sara heard and ominous 'click' as the doors locked.

"So you can fly it, right?" Dib nodded, flicking a few more switches as the ship started powering up.

"I'm going to fly it too." Sara stated flatly. There was absolutely no way she was passing this chance up. Dib sighed, about to argue, but quickly backtracked when he saw the look on her face.

"I'll take off and land, but I guess we can switch over the cesspool, okay?" Sara nodded. Better than nothing. She would have negotiated more, but she didn't know this part of town very well and might end up worse off. Dib flicked a few more levers and pushed a big red button with a smiley face on it. There was a flash of static before a glowing gold line appeared on the screen next to the wheel. It split in half, revealing a stereotypical alien face. It was sort of bug-like, with big maroon eyes and two antenna. But, when he (she?) opened its mouth to speak, the voice was more then familiar.

"Hey there, pilot! Oh, wait. Dib? You again?" Dib smiled at his own voice coming out of the speaker.

"He may have changed the auto-character to his face, but Zim hasn't gotten rid of my personality completely yet… good, this should make it easier. Although my voice does sound weird coming from his stupid head…ah well. Computer, initiate start up sequence."

"Say please! And use my name- no one ever does that anymore." Dib shrugged.

"Eh, okay. Please initiate ship start up sequence… Dibbers." Sara snorted, covering her mouth with her hand and trying not to outright burst out laughing. Dib whipped his head around, glaring at the girl with malice.

"It needed a name that sounded enough like mine for it to listen it to me but different enough that it wouldn't think it was me. Unfortunately, Gaz programmed it with this one, her old taunt name from when I was little. Don't. Say. Anything." Sara turned around and started playing with Gir's antenna to distract herself while Dib fiddled with the controls. After a mere moment, the ship started humming as light after light slowly flicked on in succession.

"Yes! It broke down right after we got back from North Pole, and I finally managed to get this thing working again two days ago before that Space-Monster stole it…"

"Well, take off!" Dib nodded absently, pressing two more purple buttons and yanking down a pink handle. With a jolt, the ship rose a few inches, hovering over the floor.

"Okay, there's enough fuel for about a 10 minute flight…"

"No there isn't!"

"Be quiet, Gir." Dib said, shushing the robot. The little bot crossed his arms and ran off, moving so fast that he left a cartoonish trail of smoke when he exited to the back of the ship.

"Nice going, Dib." Sara spat, slapping his arm. "I'll go find him."

"The ship goes like 10 feet back! Where could he go?"

"He's 2 feet tall! There's a lot of places Gir coul-" Their argument was cut short by the reentry of said robot. He was carrying a big black jar labeled 'Jelus full'

"Now we gots lotsa timing!" Dib yanked the can out of Gir's gray claws and unscrewed the lid. Sara leaned forward and peered in, instantly pulling back at the vile 'gasoline on fire with animal hair' smell. Dib wrinkled his nose, but just screwed the top back on.

"Well, I stand corrected. Where did you find this fuel anyway?"

"Masta was tellin' me about blowing up your basey-wasy, and he tossed this in the front to keep it safety!" Dib growled under his breath, clenching his fists tightly around the control lever as the ship rose higher.

"He was going to blow up my house? That ugly, rotten, stupid…" Dib continued muttering under his breath, and after hearing a few four letter words more than once Sara stopped listening. Instead, she tickled Gir, who had hopped into her lap and was now purring happily. Dib paused, then yanked over Gir and opened his head with a slight squeak.

"What are you _doing_?" Sara growled, lifting her hand to slap him again.

"I know it's in here… somewhere… AH!" Dib yelled. "I knew it!"

"Explain in the next three seconds, or-"

"He's got a remote link to the house's emergency backup in his head. Let's see-ah, there we go." Sara saw a spark ride up the side of Gir's head, followed instantly by a creak from above them.

"What's going on?" Dib gripped his control, grinning.

"I opened the roof. Here we go!"

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><p>AN I hope you enjoyed. Sorry for the late update, I had a big project due in Skool. So, Rate, Review, vote on my poll, and enjoy life!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I'm really sorry about the late update. I'm a moron for thinking I could run three stories at the same time. Updates should get faster when summer comes.

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><p>Sara settled back into the seat, examining her nails absently. Dib tossed Gir back to her, and she instantly snatched him up. The robot started cuddling her like a chimp, and she chuckled quietly, squeezing back. Dib was biting his tongue as he attempted to maneuver the ship through the roof, which was meant for the smaller Voot Cruiser. After a minute, Gir climbed down to the floor, giggling.<p>

"Hehe…G-force…" Sara looked down at him, confused.

"Wha-AAAAAAAAH!" Dib must have hit some sort of booster thrust, because they shot up-_straigh_t up. The ship exploded towards the stars, which were starting to look way too close.

"Get us down get us down GET US DOWN!" Sara shrieked, wanting to reach over and strangle Dib but gravity pinning her down into the strange alien substitute for leather. Out of the corner of her eye, Dib struggled forward, his palm scraping a button. The ship suddenly dropped down flat, floating innocently as if nothing had happened. Sara pulled herself out of the girl-shaped indent in the seat and glared daggers at the boy, who was steering with one hand and pulling a command mike out of the small slot she hypothesized replaced a glove compartment with the other palm. He settled it carefully on his big head, adjusting the headphones, then the mike.

"Testing, testing, one two three." Dib said slowly and clearly. "Ship, activate…. I dunno, the slushie maker?" There was a small whirring noise and one 'Icy Ham' and one 'Cherry Doom' Brainfreezy popped out of the control panel. Dib and Sara snatched them at the same time, Dib grabbing the cherry and Sara the ham. Their hands brushed for a moment, but Sara snapped her palm back, twisting her fingers around the cup and taking a sip.

"Umm!" She practically purred. "It's extra-sweet!" Dib took a slurp of his and grimaced, examining the mug.

"Ugh… extra sweet…" He stuck out his tongue slightly and squinted one eye. Sara looked at him and laughed.

"Can I have it?" Dib looked at her before handing over the treat, one hand still on the wheel.

"Sure." Sara took another swig of her own Brainfreezy and handed Dib's down to Gir, who happily accepted the sugary drink.

"That might not be a great idea…" Dib commented. "You've never seen him on a sugar rush, have you?" Sara looked over at the little SIR unit.

"How bad could it be?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Five minutes later, Sara regretted giving him the Brainfreezy. He was literally bouncing off the walls of the cockpit, singing the word 'Doom' over and over at the top of his voice box. Dib only grinned smugly at her, nestling the headphones deeper into his ears and blocking out most of the noise. Sara groaned, plugged her fingers into her ears and started humming loudly. After another ten minutes, Dib turned to Sara and said something, but her fingers were still jammed firmly into her ears. She yelled back, "WHAT?"

"I SAID, WE'RE OVER THE CESSPOOL NOW!" Dib shouted. Sara pulled her fingers out of her ears in time to hear the last few words.

"Oh." Dib stood up and shifted around to the back, and she ship started rocking a bit at the loss of its pilot. "Hurry!" Sara scooted over and grabbed the wheel, trying to relax.

"It's like a video game." Dib explained. "Fuel gauge over there, speed over there, and…" He accented each idea with a sharp poke in the direction of each screen, but Sara stopped listening after 'speed'. She twisted the wheel to the left, and the ship veered sharply in that direction.

"Woah!" She spun the control back, and the ship moved back to a straight path again. Sara grinned, remembering Dib's words.

_Just like a video game… _She carefully inched the control to the left again, and this time it obeyed, slowly rotating until they were facing the sunset.

"Wow, we were in there a long time…" Sara remarked, the runner starting to move slowly back to the base.

"It's easy to lose track of time when it comes to the Irkens and their technology. Look at me-I lost a whole year!" He grinned. "But I loved almost every minute of it." They were interrupted by a shrill buzzing sound. Gir's eyes flashed bright blue for a moment as a huge pole extended from his head. An image was projected in front of the robot, but neither of the humans could see it-the image was apparently only on one side, as the other side was static. A rusty, tired voice creaked out of the communicator.

"G-G-Gir…" A loud, harsh sounding cough echoed from the other line, and both Dib and Sara winced. "H-Help y-your…" Suddenly, there was a soft thump. Dib shoved past Sara and his jaw dropped open at what he saw.

"Oh heck…" The boy gagged. Sara stepped forward, and almost hurled at the sight. On the other end of the line was the alien whose face was the auto pilot, but it was cut up and leaking green blood everywhere, not to mention bruised beyond belief. It was slumped unto a dirty cement floor, and tried to push himself up but failed miserably and passed out, his eyes sliding closed.

"Wh-wha… ow." Sara said quietly, unsure of what else to say. Dib was dead silent, his lips pressed tightly together and his fists clenched.

"No." He growled quietly. "He's mine to kill. _Not_ theirs." Sara looked at the boy.

_He__ **is **crazy…_ Sara realized. _I'll have to be careful…_ Dib turned to the ship's monitor.

"Autopilot activate. Set course for-Zim's base. Time until warp boost-ten seconds." He strapped himself into the pilot's seat before turning back to Sara. "Hold on to something." She sat back down in the front seat, clicking in the seatbelt. The computer called out numbers, still in Dib's voice.

"Four, three, two, one." The ship suddenly shuddered before whipping around and making the transition into warp speed. Sara's cheeks flew back, exposing gums and teeth. This wasn't g-force… it was beyond g-force. H-force, maybe. After a few seconds that felt like hours, it was over. The ship was landing calmly in the holding bay.

"Okay, we need to get disguises…" Dib muttered to himself. Sara slowly unbuckled her seatbelt in exaggerated motions, trying to regain feeling in her limbs. The boy hopped out of the cockpit, seemingly unaffected by the warp boost, and held out his arms for Gir to jump into. "Now, Gir, can you take me to the computer so we can save your master?"

"Mista' screenie's siiiiick!" Gir cried, bursting into tears and burying his head in Dib's shirt. The boy slapped his face with his palm.

"Great, the computer must have a virus." Realization dawned in his eyes as he glanced up at Sara who had just landed next to him. "Oh, that must be why he hired you to control Gir. Otherwise he would have let the computer and Minimoose take care of him." Sara hiked up her jeans and grabbed Gir back. Dib sighed. "I guess I'll just have to fix it. I hope Zim already started repairing the damage, or we're screwed." He sauntered down the hall, somehow knowing the way. Sara followed, and Gir climbed around and latched unto the back of her head.

"Hmm, I think the main core is in the central lab…" Dib muttered distractedly. After about another fifteen minutes of wandering, they finally arrived. Dib skidded across the tile to the console. "Now, how on earth did Zim's computer ever get infec-oh!" A sly grin spread across his face. "I created that virus just for him last week. And if I made it, I can destroy it." His fingers flew over the keys. "It's a good thing that the Irken keyboard has the same letters as ours in the same places." Sara played patty-cake with Gir while Dib worked, the girl calling out 'are you done yet?' every few minutes.

"Finally!" Dib yelled roughly twenty minutes later, his voice echoing against the metallic walls. "Zim had it on auto-repair, I just had to hurry it along." He jumped off the seat. "Okay, three, two one… and-"

**_Computer system rebooting. Reboot complete-oh. Dib-hyuman. What are you doing here?_** Dib grinned.

"We're going to help rescue Zim, and we need disguises. Irken, preferably."

**_And I should help you why…?_** Dib sighed before puffing up his chest and glaring at the seemingly blank screen. Sara had to hold back a laugh at the sight of how stupid he looked.

"You have some kind of connection to Zim's Pak, right? He's not where he's supposed to be." The computer sighed (Sighed? Since when did computers sigh? Sara thought to herself) and made a few beeps and pings as it searched for its master.

**_Okay, maybe you're right. He's traveling slowly to Vort, probably on the Massive. The Tallest are probably going to finally lock him up. I wonder why they took this long. _**Dib cocked his head, setting his hands on his hips.

"_This long_?" If the computer could roll its eyes, Sara got the feeling it would.

**_Zim's nothing but an exile and a defect. I can't tell him myself-it's against my programming. It doesn't take a genius to be able to tell, especially when I can see the complete Irken mainframe. _**Dib's mouth fell open, and Sara could tell his mind was whirling from the stunned look on his face. Gir jumped away from her and crawled up Dib's leg, giving the boy a tight hug.

"Aw, it's okay Mary. Masta'll be back!" Dib looked down at the little robot, and his eyes hardened.

"Yes. Yes he will be back." Dib looked back up at the computer. "Well? Are we going to get the disguises or not?" He tapped his foot. The computer snorted.

**_You're kidding. You expect to break into a Vortian prison? Compared to that, your top government facilities are like tree houses. You'd be vaporized before you step off the ship._** At Dib's piercing glare the computer chuckled. **_Hey, it's your skin on the line. Step right on in._** A small purple pod descended from the ceiling, and Dib marched into it quickly. After the door slid shut, he screamed loudly as a purple light shot out through the cracks running along the edge of the cylinder. After a moment, someone stepped out-but it wasn't Dib. Not even close. The alien had dark red eyes, long antennae, three fingers in each hand inside long black gloves, and the same dress-thing she'd seen Zim wear. The only similarity was that it was wearing Dib's trench coat, albeit steaming lightly.

"Sweet. Irken technology is awesome." The alien said in Dib's voice. Sara's mind finally registered that it _was_ Dib, just heavily disguised.

"Wow…" She breathed. "Wicked!" Dib nodded at her, antennae bouncing slightly. His eyes were half lidded and he blinked, rubbing them. His face looked so much like stereotypical alien crossed with a bug, it was almost funny.

"Your turn." Sara's eyes widened.

"Uh, no way! I heard you screaming, and there's no way I'm-"

"I just screamed from the light, I wasn't ready." The boy grabbed her arm and dragged her over to the machine anyway through her protests. She scratched his arm roughly as Dib slammed the sliding doors shut. Sara glanced around the tiny space and shut her eyes. She felt a low tingle, and a bright light blasted through her eyelids no matter how tightly she squeezed them. After a moment, there was a small 'ding' and she heard the doors glide open. Dib gasped.

"Wow, that thing is _through_." She stepped out of the pod, which quickly pulled back into the ceiling, to see the new disguised Dib hanging with his mouth open. The boy pulled his gaze away from her long enough to order the computer to give them a big mirror. A second later, a huge view screen descended from the ceiling and clicked off, letting the two teens see their new disguises. Dib whispered something to himself happily, grinning but Sara just gaped. She was gone-in place of her face, there was a green alien with purple eyes, (And only purple-no whites. Weird.) and long lashes. The creature's uniform looked like Dib's, but in purple. 'Her' antennae had a long curve at the end, twirling up and almost touching themselves. The curve was doubled up, kind of like she had a box on the end.

"Wow…" Sara breathed. She reached up and tried to touch the thing, and gasped when her hand grasped rough skin. "How on earth…?"

**_It's a force field, so if anyone touches you, they won't suspect._** The computer explained in a bored tone. **_Are you going to go and leave me alone already, or do I have to bring out the security measures? _**Dib shook his head.

"No, we'll go." He ran a palm across his new antennae and grinned, turning and starting to head back towards the ship. "I've always wanted to see more real aliens besides Zim… let the jailbreak begin!"

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><p>AN Okay, this story is going to be pretty long now, it's official. Yes, Sara looks kind of like Tak, but she has a typical uniform, not Tak's altered version with the tail and the epic boots. This is my least popular story, so please rate and review or I just might quit it so I can have more time for the others.


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